hello, my teacher give me the comments is that:

Dear Jiacheng,

I have received a draft from you, but it isn’t quite fulfilling the requirements of the assignment at this time. You chose a wonderful place for the assignment, but please keep in mind that this paper should have several sections:

1.) two descriptions (at least 1 or 2 well-developed paragraphs each) of the same exact place at the same exact time, one positive in tone/perspective and one negative in tone/perspective.

* Right now, you have submitted two descriptions, but I can’t follow the point of view at all.  This should be written from your perspective, but it seems like that of a horse?  A horse riding with cars?  More specific and contrasting description of the same specific place at one same specific time would be helpful.  When you correct this problem, it will also give you more examples to discuss in your rhetorical analysis.

2.) a rhetorical analysis section (at least 400-500 words in length), in which you analyze how you used the five rhetorical tools in the Writer’s Toolbox to make one description seem so positive and the other seem so negative, even though you were describing the same exact place at the same exact time and not changing any facts.

* Right now, you have submitted something for this section, but it isn’t really functioning as a rhetorical analysis.  When you rewrite this section, I recommend you more clearly and consistently organize the rhetorical analysis section by rhetorical tool, devoting one paragraph to discussion of each of the five rhetorical tools (and providing more specific examples and explanation of how you used each feature). For instance, you might devote one paragraph to direct statement of meaning, then a paragraph to word choice, then a paragraph to figurative language…and so on. It would also be helpful to begin each new paragraph in the rhetorical analysis with a basic topic sentence (e.g.: I used a direct statement of meaning in each of my two descriptions as well), before you offer your examples. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your movement from idea to idea.

3.) a final reflection section (at least 1 well-developed paragraph or at least roughly 100-125 words) in which you reflect on what completing the above descriptions and analysis has taught you. 

* This section is right on track.  Good job!

can you help me fix it ? 

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